Being Alone Doesn't Mean Being Lonely

I recently came across some words about Jane Mathews’ book The Art of Living Alone & Loving It, and so much of it resonated with the way I have chosen to live my own life.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.

I think sometimes we confuse the two.

Living alone doesn’t have to mean something is missing. It doesn’t mean you’re waiting for somebody to arrive so your real life can begin.

And it certainly doesn’t mean relationships aren’t important.

I value relationships. I would never encourage a woman to walk away from a good relationship simply because independence sounds exciting. Relationships take work. They go through difficult stages, and sometimes staying, communicating and growing together is absolutely the right choice.

But I also don’t believe a woman needs a relationship to make her life complete.

That is something I have discovered for myself.

After spending so much of my life as part of a couple, I have learnt how much I genuinely enjoy my own company.

I’ve learnt to make decisions for myself.

I’ve learnt to go places alone.

I’ve learnt that I don’t need to wait for someone else to want to do something before I do it.

And probably most importantly, I’ve developed a relationship with myself that I don’t think I ever really had before.

One of the ideas from Jane Mathews that struck me was that solitude can be a skill.

You can learn how to live alone well.

Your life doesn’t have to become a waiting room while you hope for another relationship, another person to travel with or somebody to choose you.

Your life is happening now.

That doesn’t mean shutting people out.

We still need connection, friendship, family, laughter and people around us. Living independently and having meaningful relationships can exist together.

It simply means that your happiness isn’t completely dependent on another person.

You create a home that feels like you.

You cook the meal even when it’s only for you.

You take yourself somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.

You look after yourself when nobody is watching.

You build friendships and connections because you want them in your life, not because you’re frightened of being alone.

And you stop treating the life you’re living today as something temporary.

This is probably the biggest thing I’ve learnt:

I don’t feel as though I’m waiting for my life anymore. I’m living it.

Could another relationship become part of my life one day? Maybe.

But I don’t need one to make the life I have now worthwhile.

There is enormous freedom in reaching a point where you can say:

I am alone sometimes. But I am not lonely. And my life is not incomplete.